Relationship Advice - The Pilot

We thought the Monday after Calf Fry the best day to release the first episode in our new series: the Relationship Podcast. Stuff OSU Should Know spent weeks anonymously surveying our fellow Pokes to learn what they knew, did not know, and wanted to know about navigating relationships as a college student at OSU. For this first pilot episode, we discuss the top three areas of interest or concern among all the students we polled: making the first move, hookup culture, and long term relationships. Drew, Riley, Brooklyn, and Isaac sit down to talk through their differing experiences and perspectives in these areas, and end by sharing a couple of the many funny stories we heard from OSU students in response to our survey. 

Visit the Stuff OSU Should Know homepage to browse previously released podcasts!

Transcript

STUFF OSU SHOULD KNOW

SEASON EIGHT: “RELATIONSHIP ADVICE - PILOT”

PRODUCED & RELEASED SPRING  2024

(20:01)

Cast: Brooklyn, Drew, Isaac, and Riley

[00:00:00]

INTRO: 

This is Stuff [crowd chanting O-S-U] Should Know [drumroll]

Relationship Advice INTRO:

(Voice 1) What’s up, Pokes? And welcome to the OSU Relationship Podcast. (Voice 2) Where Pokes can go for being a hopeless romantic or a cowboy couple. (Voice 3) You’ll be hearing advice and stories from your fellow Cowboy classmates. With that being said, let’s make the first move.

Drew: Hi, and welcome back to the relationship podcast for OSU. Uh, today we are going to be talking about the top three things that we got from our survey, how to make the first move, hookups, and long term relationships. With that said, how to make the first move, let’s get started. 

So how do you make the first move?

Riley: Honestly, like, I think you should just like go up to someone and be like, Hey, you're cute. Let me get your number. That’s my thoughts. 

Issac: Yeah, I know it’s cringy, but like. I know people are like, “just go for it, man.” But truly, if someone just like walked up to me and was like, “hi, this is my name. You're cute.” I'd be like “uh (shy)... okay...”

Riley: I don't know. I feel like it’s more like direct and like you have nothing to lose. Honestly, 

Issac: as long as it’s not like, “Hey baby, what’s your name?” (funny, sultry) In which case it’s like, no, thanks. But if they’re being genuine, 

Brooklyn: they already [00:01:00] don't know you and aren't talking to you. So like, what do you have to lose? Just go up and talk to them.

Drew: Yeah, I think with everyone just being in college, like, especially, like, everybody, like, most people don’t know each other, so that also helps, but I think it’s just the mental barrier. I mean, when you see someone you don't know, you automatically think, oh, first impressions, like, how are they going to think of me, like, when I go up to them and be like, “hey, like, I think you’re cute.”

“Can I have your number?” Or like, “oh, I think you’re cute.” “Let’s go grab lunch at the union” or something like that. It takes a lot of confidence and a lot of, like, putting yourself out there, because. I mean, that's the name of the game, being vulnerable, putting yourself out there, and not everyone can do that.

Issac: Yeah, that’s, that’s one of those unfortunate things is people with anxiety. Sometimes that is just what you have to do. Unless you want to like use a dating app, which can be really useful. That’s how I found my boyfriend. But making the first move otherwise could be very difficult. 

Riley: Yeah, yeah. Um, I would say like, [00:02:00] asking someone or like, talking to someone, like, online, like, introducing yourself, like, what are your guys thoughts on that?

Brooklyn: I mean, like, I know a bunch of people that use dating apps, and they all really like it, but at the same time, there’s also, like, major red flags, both on dating apps and in person. Mainly, like, just the cringey pickup lines. Like, I don’t really know anybody that that’s worked with. 

Riley: Yeah, no.

Drew: So in terms of dating apps, I'm gonna be very vulnerable here...

I used to be a dating app fiend. And like, swipe right, swipe left, if you get my gist. But, in our world today, we’re very like, tech advanced, so to speak. So I mean, it just seems very, I don't know, just disingenuine. You’re not really gonna find genu... well, most of the time you’re not gonna find genuine people on dating apps.

You’re basically gonna like, find people on their like, I’m, I mean, I’m overgeneralizing it, but it just doesn’t seem to me like you’re gonna find genuine relationships on dating apps. There are some amazing [00:03:00] people out there, but in my experience, it’s kind of like one in every like 10. 

Riley: Yeah, it’s definitely a hit or miss.

Brooklyn: Yeah, most people I would say are on there for like hookups and everything and that’s fine But like and I do know some people that have gotten like long term relationships out of dating apps, but I don’t think dating apps is necessarily the way to go if you're searching for like a long term situation.

Riley: I’m personally on a dating app, but I use it as a game because it’s literally a game. Like I literally think it is.

Isaac (quietly, concerned): Oh no. 

Brooklyn: I think a lot of people do that hence why I don’t think it’s necessarily serious. 

Drew: Exactly, and you mentioned hookups, which is actually a perfect segue into our next topic of hookups: What are y’all’s opinions on this?

Issac: Hmm...  I might have a unique opinion on this because Being a gay man, hookups are very much a kind of a staple of college life. 

Riley: Yeah. 

Issac: Uh, mainly because all these people [00:04:00] usually come from places where they don’t have people and then they arrive in a college town that has a large gay population and they’re like, “Oh my God!”

And usually they don’t immediately go to dating. Yeah. Um, that being said, incredibly dangerous. 

Brooklyn: Yeah, I think everybody’s entitled to do what they want to do. However, I also think as a society hookup culture has been really damaging. 

Riley: Yeah, I agree. But also like you can also like find like things that make like what you like and like what you don’t like based on that... 

Brooklyn: ...based on your experiences.

You can learn what you do and like I think people just have to be careful and letting it turn into something that, like, they cannot control. Cause I know too many people that every single day it’s a different person. 

Person 2: Yeah. That’s like literally like toxic, hazardous vibes. 

Brooklyn: And that’s honestly not safe as [00:05:00] far as like diseases and stuff.

Issac: Also when people hook up while intoxicated, I mean, you don’t, you don’t need for people to say, “don’t do that.” But it, it is a very real part of college that a lot of people go through and a lot of people. A lot of people get STDs, a lot of people get pregnant, a lot of people are assaulted that way, and you have to be conscious, um, even when you’re drunk.

Hey, you probably shouldn’t hook up with people while inebriated. 

Riley: Yeah. 

Brooklyn: Yeah, and that’s not even just for people that are, like, hooking up with just someone random. That’s, like, even in a relationship. Like, in my opinion, I don’t think people should be having sex with somebody when either person is intoxicated, even if they’re in a long term relationship.

Drew: And in my opinion on this, like, this hookup culture has obviously been furthered by the dating apps, as previously mentioned, and just, like, social media in general. But, as I’ve seen, like, multiple people using hookups and just [00:06:00] stuff like that, it just, it seems to me from an outside perspective that they’re looking for something.

To kind of like, fulfill them. I know that sounds horrible, but... 

Riley: Like, fill the void? 

Drew: Exactly! Like we’re all looking for that missing puzzle piece in our life. And funny enough, like I actually, uh, saw this really cool quote the other day. And it was like, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” And if every, and if everybody’s like, just, I don't know.

If a girl’s hooking up with a guy, like once every week, a different guy every time. And vice versa, if a guy’s hooking up with a different girl every single week, those two are obviously looking for something. They’re trying to fill that void, just like you said. And they're trying to find that love that they think they deserve.

But in reality, like, they deserve a lot better than they’re actually presently in right now. 

Riley: Yeah. 

Issac: I have had friends who got to...  I had a friend who broke up with their long term boyfriend and got to college. Like, the month before they got to college, he broke up with him. Yeah. [00:07:00] Like he ghosted him. Yeah, no.

Riley: Yeah, it be like that. 

Issac: And he was like that for like the whole first year. And then he found one that actually stuck. Like it was a hookup. And then they actually ended up going out with each other. And they have been steadfast boyfriends since. 

Brooklyn: Well, so like with the void thing, like I don’t think everybody’s doing it necessarily to fill a void.

But I will say a lot of people that I have talked to personally that have found themselves like with a different person every single week. And I asked them about it, like, do they want a relationship? And they said that they do, it’s just, they don’t know how to do that. Like, for them, it’s just like, I can’t stop.

And they’ve even said, like, many times that it’s like, I think this is all I’m able to get. 

[AGREEMENT ALL AROUND: “Yes,” “Mm, hmmm...]”]

I don’t think I can get, I don’t think I’m worthy of a real relationship. 

Riley: Yeah, I think that comes with just like, knowing like your self worth and like, kind of just like, being comfortable with being alone, you know?

And like, not, [00:08:00] relying on other people to make you happy. 

Drew: And that’s also really hard, especially in college. I mean, you’re kind of like thrown into the fire, so to speak. I mean, if you’re a guy attracted to another guy, you’re thrown into college and there’s multiple guys around you. If you’re thrown into college and like, you’re a guy who’s interested in girls, I mean, there’s tons of girls on this campus.

And I mean, I could go on and on about the multiple combinations of that. I mean, you, you’re kind of like just overwhelmed with like, “how do I handle this?” And I mean, like, yeah, sure. You can call your parents for advice too, 

[LAUGHTER]

but like, you’re, you’re not. 

Issac: (baby voice) “Hey mom. So, um, um, there's this girl...”…

[MORE LAUGHTER]

Riley: So obviously we know that hookup culture, not good, but like, what are y’all’s thoughts on like friends with benefits, like hookup culture with like the same the same person?

Brooklyn: Like situations like that, I was just also going to point out like hookup pressure is so [00:09:00] big in college. Like I feel like everybody is pushing you to do that whether you want to or not necessarily. And so you can kind of convince yourself you need to do that because everyone else is and that it’s normal.

And so like with going to parties and stuff, like I know too many people that like towards the end of the night, people will just split off and like go to hookup and so they’ll just find a guy friend of theirs and they go and do that. Just because everyone else is. Not necessarily because they liked them or had any feelings for them whatsoever.

Riley: Mm hmm. 

Drew: Um, yeah, I agree. I mean, sit- Situationships and, like, friends with benefits and all and all of that, I mean, that’s just really tough to navigate because it feels like when you’re in one of those, you’re kind of trapped. Like, you don't know what to do because, I mean, I mean, I can’t speak for the girls, so you could probably shed some light on this, but in terms of the guys perspective,

Like if another attractive girl comes along and like, like she’s kind of like checks all your boxes, but you’re currently in one... I would [00:10:00] feel like it would be the right thing to do and just be frank with like your friends with benefits saying like hey, you deserve better than this I think we both deserve better than this like “it was it was fun while it lasted But I like really think...” like and you don’t even have to tell tell them another girl came along. It’s just like you kind of like Have to do what’s best for you, but also do what’s best for the other person in that sort of situation.

Issac: I think it’s important to keep in mind that, like, friends with benefits, they are, they are friends. They’re not a relationship. Um, and you need to be very cautious and very open with that person if you don’t want a, like, relationship relationship, to be like, “Hey, I’m having fun, but I  might... there might come a time that I want to stop this, and I need you to be alright with that.”

And it’s, communication is so key, especially when navigating such fragile relationships. Because it, it is a [00:11:00] friendship and it is a relationship at the same time. And if you cancel one, it could cancel the other. 

Riley: No, yeah, I agree.

Brooklyn: Yes, but like with friends with benefits, you just have to ask yourself before getting into that, am I willing to, if this goes bad because of this, risk losing this friendship?

Isaac: Yeah.

Brooklyn: Because, say for example, like, you are confident that you won’t get feelings, but you don’t know if the other person won’t, and if the other person gets feelings for you, and you don’t reciprocate, then that could turn south very fast, or if you start dating somebody else. Yeah... 

Riley: Communication is key, for sure.

Brooklyn: So... 

Drew: Yeah, I mean, that’s also another hard thing to navigate, which we’ll probably cover in the next couple episodes. But, if we want to move on to our last and final topic, long term relationships. Now, there are a select few, well, I say select few, we’re in college, there’s 24,000 people on this campus, I’m sure there’s a LOT of long term relationships on this campus, but I’ve personally never been in one, but there are definitely people who have.

So, I [00:12:00] mean, I can’t really speak to this. I mean, I can shed some light on a couple things, but I mean, what are y’all’s opinions and advice on long term relationships? 

Issac: First off, I wanna, I wanna know what everyone considers, like, the, the marker that turns the short term into a long term. 

Drew: I like that. 

Brooklyn: I think it’s, like, I think six months plus, personally.

Issac (surprised): Really?! I... 

Brooklyn: ...think a year, a year or... 

Issac: ...two. I would think two years. 

Brooklyn: Okay, so... 

Drew (surprised): Really? 

Brooklyn: I think it has changed since I’ve come to college. I used to say like a year plus was long term, but having come to college and just talking to people who most of people I know can’t keep somebody for longer than a couple weeks, maybe a couple months.

Riley: Yeah. 

Brooklyn: And so I feel like in college, anything over six months is kind of long term. 

Drew: Yeah... 

Riley: I guess I would agree. 

Drew: I mean, I, uh, in terms of long term relationships, I mean, it takes a while to get there. I mean, you’re not just gonna meet someone and then talk to them for a week and then just [00:13:00] start dating and then somehow, someway make it to six months.

I mean, we, we, we don’t live in a Disney movie. I hate to break it to people, but, uh, I know I’m being very blunt with that, but long term relationships are an amazing thing. They’re hard to find if like you have never been in one before, but once you attain that, I mean, I can just assume that the benefits definitely far outweigh like all the nitty gritty fights like you had to do to get there, but. 

Issac: Well, let’s not pretend that every relationship is sunshine and rainbows. 

Drew: Oh, yeah. 

Isaac: Even like long term ones where they are married for their whole lives still have like squabbles and fights. 

Drew: Oh, obviously. Yeah. I completely agree with that. 

Brooklyn: And there are some long term relationships that are extremely toxic. Like they don’t need to be together, but they can’t, like they're codependent and that's not healthy either. 

Isaac: Right. 

Brooklyn: But I mean, I just know like for me, personally, um, in my experience, a long term relationship takes a lot of work, and there’s, it’s not easy. Like, a lot of people [00:14:00] think that it gets easier over time, but, and that all of your issues, like, should have gone away by a certain point. But the thing I’ve found is, like, when one issue goes away, then something else happens, and you have to work through that, too. So it kind of never stops, because life happens. 

Issac: It is, it is two, I mean, it’s two people. It’s, there will always be something.  And a lot of people think like, a lot, like once you’re like married, like you’re engaged or married, like everything will be sunshine and rainbows.

Like, I know a lot of people that are like, “it’s fine. Once I, once I get married to him, we’ll never have squabbles again.” Like, “No, that’s not correct.” Um, and, I-

Brooklyn: it might make things better for a little bit, but it’s going to come back eventually. 

Issac: I-I’ve heard a term that is like from, from like a marriage counselor.

And it was like the number [00:15:00] one reason that wives say that they, um, finally decided to divorce their husbands other than like, he wasn’t treating them right it was like he, once we got married. stopped trying to date me. 

Riley: Yes! 

Isaac: He stopped trying to do the things he tried to do to get me to be his girlfriend.

Riley: I feel like that’s just like, like being in a relationship not necessarily like if you’re just married but like once like you get in a relationship it can feel as if like your significant other just like stops caring because like you’re already in a relationship and there’s nothing like... 

Brooklyn: I had a conversation about this recently and, um, it was one of those things, like, every person that I’ve ever talked to that has been married and happily married for like 20 plus years, like a long time, their number one thing they have always told me is do not ever lose the passion or the fire in the relationship, because when that happens, you essentially become glorified [00:16:00] roommates, like, if you’re married to them. And, honestly, to just keep it fun. Because if there’s no fun, then it’s not fun. Why are you together? 

Drew: Yeah, I completely agree.

Brooklyn: I think a lot of people stay together because they’re comfortable. 

Issac: Or because they have, like, kids or something. 

Drew: Yeah, or they like... 

Isaac: Which could be a whole other thing. 

Drew: Yeah, they like the temporary satisfaction and the moment, but once they kind of like, I don’t know, get everything they want kind of like in one moment, or like in a small amount of time, they’re kind of like, okay, I got what I needed out of this, like, I don’t need anything anymore, or want anything anymore, so to speak.

Brooklyn: Something I don’t think it’s brought up enough though is sometimes you’re in a relationship and people... It gets stagnant but people don’t leave because they’re comfortable and it would cause more problems to break up than it would to stay together because you’re comfortable to with each other even if you’re not entirely happy, so why break up because if you break up then both of you are going to be hurting? Yeah, so [00:17:00] 

Riley: I’ve like talked to my therapist about like stuff like this, and, like, whenever I was going through, like, whenever I, like, wanted to break up with my boyfriend or, like, whatever, she was saying, like, the main reason why people, like, don’t break up with their significant other is because, like, “what are you supposed to do now?”

Like, like, what, like, I used to hang out with my ex boyfriend, like, every single day. So, like, what am I supposed to do, like? You know? 

Issac: It can be, I mean, life, truly life changing. Yeah. Because like, what am I supposed to do?

Brooklyn: Going from long term to hookup culture again, or just going from long term to trying to date other people, is really hard, because you haven’t done that in a long time.

Riley: And it’s just like restarting, like, from the beginning, like, “what’s your favorite color?” Like, yes. It’s just like, difficult.

Brooklyn:  Especially in college, where a lot of people have brought somebody with them from high school, so they already know their family, they already know a lot of things about them, but now moving into college and you break up and then you have to try to talk to other people.[00:18:00] 

How do you go from talking about deep topics about your family history or family trauma to what’s your favorite color? Like, it doesn’t compare and doesn’t fill the same void. 

Drew: Yes, I wish we had more time to get into everything else, but Before we send y’all off, we have a couple stories here that were sent in from our student-based survey that I think will get a little kick out of just, I don’t know, the funny bits of relationships and I think it’s just going to be very uplifting for some people.

So, this one is... this person, shall remain nameless, got dumped over show cattle. Now, I personally am not an Ag person, but that sounds pretty dang (laughing), dang rough for me, if you ask me, but I mean, I am, I’m very sorry to whoever that happened to and I’m just telling you right now, I’m wishing you luck and I hope... [00:19:00] 

Rylie: Stay safe.

Drew: everything gets better.

Issac: I hope you can move on. 

Drew: Yes. Now, ooh, this one’s pretty, pretty dang good one. Uh, a couple I know met under fake names and fake IDs at a bar. Now, I mean, you’re already, you’re already going into the spicy things of a little bit of illegal activities right there. Getting those fake IDs and fake names.

I mean, hey, if you, if you found your lover and you found your soulmate, I mean, all power to you. All power to you, brother. So, with that being said, I think we can sign off. And, uh, this was a great first episode. And, Go Pokes. 

Isaac: Go Pokes. 

Brooklyn: Go Pokes!

OUTRO

[OSU band plays, fades out]