Relationship Advice - Spill the Tea, Earl for the Girls

In this episode, women of OSU have an honest conversation about what sets off red flags and ick when it comes to relationships - check your emoji usage, bro!  Give a listen to learn more about making healthy boundaries with (potentially) significant others, both in face-to-face interactions and exchanging personal information to connect online.

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Transcript

STUFF OSU SHOULD KNOW

SEASON NINE: “RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: SPILL THE TEA, EARL FOR THE GIRLS”

PRODUCED & RELEASED FALL  2024

(13:33)

Cast:

Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Alli, and Ryli

[00:00:00]

INTRO: 

This is Stuff [crowd chanting O-S-U] Should Know [drumroll]

Ryli: [00:00:05] Good morning, guys.

ALL: (laughing, giggling)

Brooklyn: Okay, we're gonna talk about our icks for men and just like hookup culture in general. My name is Brooklyn, just to start out the day. 

Brooklyn: My name is also Brooklyn. 

Ryli: I'm Ryli. 

Alli: I’m Allison. 

Brooklyn: Yeah, what are y'all's like icks with men like in general? Like what are some top like, 

Ryli: If a guy sends me a snap and there's like red LEDs in the back. Hell nah.

Brooklyn: That's fair.

Ryli: That’s pass. 

Brooklyn: My biggest ick is when guys are like, “I can get any girl I want.” Like, the guys that say that. Yeah, 

Ryli: Yeah, like, if they're too cocky? Like, no, you gotta be humble. 

Brooklyn: Yes! 

Brooklyn: I’d say just, like, the unsolicited pictures. Like, if I add a guy back and it's, like, an immediate, like, picture, I'm like, “goodbye.”

Multiple: Nope

Alli: Mine is, like, if they're too, like, [00:01:00] sugarcoat stuff like “sweetheart” and like call me names like, no, don't, don't. 

(Various agreement: “Oh my gosh…”) 

Alli: I feel like if they use emojis… Some emojis are fine but not like the crying ones and I'm like, “no.” 

Brooklyn: They throw out a crying emoji, I'm like, no. 

Ryli: It makes me cringe. 

Alli: Yeah, it's bad.

Ryli: I think everything's cringy, though. 

Alli: The emojis that are like fingers crossed. Although… 

Someone: Yes!

Brooklyn: The little heart hands really gets me 

Brooklyn: Ewww!

Ryli: Only girls can use that.

Brooklyn: Yes!

Ryli: Yeah (joking), only girls can use emojis. 

Brooklyn: I just like I don't know guys I don't know. It just is not…

(Papers ruffling) 

Brooklyn: Yeah, oh! Oh, she's got a whole list. 

Brooklyn: Yes. Yeah, if they like if the first thing that they send you after like you add them on Snap or something is like a shirtless mirror pic…

Riley: Nah!

Brooklyn:  Like, or like, just being gross like that. I don't know. To me, I'm just like, I don't even know [00:02:00] you. 

Alli Themer: Mmhmm. An ick for me that has to do with Greek life, if they go to every sorority date party, I'm like, how many girls do you talk to?

Brooklyn: Yeah. 

Alli: That's an immediate no for me. 

Brooklyn: That's so true. 

Alli: Like, I get you can have a lot of friends and like go to other ones, like, Mmhmm. Have fun, whatever. But like, if you go to every single one, I'm like, whoa. 

Ryli: Yeah. Um, I don't like when guys don't go to the gym. Because, like, I'm really active myself, and so I just think, yeah. 

Brooklyn: Just going off of that, like, taking care of yourself in general...

Like, I know we were talking earlier about how, like, one of your exes, like, didn't wear a (inaudible) with it. (laughter) And I just feel like, I don't know. (more laughter) I feel like that's just, like, a needed thing. 

Ryli: Yeah, like, guys, you guys need to get a loofah. You guys can't just be putting body wash on your hands, and that does not clean you.

Get a loofah or a rag. 

Brooklyn: Body wash is not a 3 in 1 for your hair, body, everything, by the way. [00:03:00] (Yeah.) It does not solve all problems. Mm mm. But no, they just use like a bar of soap and that's it. (Yeah.) 

Ryli: It's a no no. 

Brooklyn: Okay, going back to Greek life, what's like, I don't even know, the whole party scene. Like, I know the boys were talking about it, but what's y'all's view on all of that?

Ryli: Um…

I… if a guy like comes up to me at a party, I feel like, they would definitely ask for my snap rather than my number, because… it's a party. (Agreement) Yeah, and like obviously I'm gonna give it to him, if I think they're cute or not. Yeah, if not, I'm gonna be like, no, but I… 

Brooklyn: I think also, like, I know I go to certain parties with like my friends because they're talking to someone or they're like interested in this guy, but I don't personally like other people in the frat. So I think if a guy came up to me depending on the frat I would give him my snap. 

Ryli: Yeah, 

Brooklyn: You know what I mean? Like I don't think I would just give it out Based on the frat. [00:04:00] I feel like… 

Brooklyn: They come up to you in pairs, though. For me, I don't really like that. 

Brooklyn: Yeah (laughing), it's like a little group of them. 

Brooklyn: There was this one where this guy came up and he to me and my friend and he was trying to get both him and his little like he was trying to like it was…

Brooklyn:  Keep it in the family! 

Brooklyn: Yeah, trying to like pair us off together, I was like, that's like,

Ryli: That’s like incest in Greek Life. 

(Laughter and agreement)

Brooklyn: That's a thing though! Like I know so many people that like try to set up their littles. 

Brooklyn: Yes. 

Alli: Well, what do you guys do if like a guy goes up to you at a party or whatever and you don't think he's cute and you don't wanna give him your snap? Like what do you say? 

Ryli: I say I don’t have Snap.

Brooklyn: Oh, I just say that I don't really give it out, or I just walk away. (laughter) Honestly…

(audio buzzes and goes silent - audio jingle intercedes, masking our embarrassment; a voice over explains that we experienced technical difficulties and will be right back) 

Ryli: Sorry about that. Some technical difficulties there… 

Brooklyn: So going back to like men coming up to you at parties, like what are like red flags just in general with men that you guys have? Yeah. 

Ryli: Um, long shorts. (laughter)

Brooklyn: Same! (laughter) I'm sorry. [00:05:00] 

Alli: Um, for me it's who they follow. This might be a hot take, I don't know, but like, if I look at their following on Instagram and it's a bunch of half naked girls, I'm like, no. 

Ryli: Yeah, or they all look the same. 

Brooklyn: Yes, if it's all OnlyFans models, no thank you. 

Alli: No, I don't want anything to do with that. 

Brooklyn: I think, personally, it's more of, it's similar, but who they're friends with.

Like, I make a lot of connections personally because of Greek Life. And I'm very good with names. And so if I hear someone's name that I've had a bad interaction with or something, and I see that you're friends with them, it's going to cause a lot of issues. I'm going to question like your character in a sense, until I truly get to know you, I'm going to be very cautious of like trusting you.

Brooklyn: It's that old saying, like who you hang out with does affect like how people see you. 

Ryli: No, literally, because you act like your friends. 

Brooklyn: So if your friend was an asshole and screwed over my friend, or was like a jerk to me, then you're probably gonna do the same thing to me. 

Ryli: Yeah, exactly. 

Brooklyn: I think [00:06:00] just over time, like when you hang out with people, you start to become them. Like that's what we've been told our entire lives. Especially just like who you hang out with. Yeah… (silence) 

Alli, you were talking about standards earlier for like, men and like who you would date. What are some of those, like, list items? Let me look. 

Alli: Let me look, um, respectful to others, not arrogant, plans dates, opens doors, driven, sets goals, communicates, consistent…

Like I have a ton (laughing). 

Ryli: Yeah. 

Alli: And it's mainly just like, it's not about looks or anything. It's just like about respect and like how they treat others and how they treat me. 

Brooklyn: Yeah. No, I fully agree. I think, especially nowadays and with like college dating, you find so many situations of like hookup culture. And I think a lot of people need to look deeper in a sense of.

Okay, in the long run, you're gonna probably end up with someone. Like, do you want someone now just to, like, mess around with? Or do you want someone who's gonna actually have [00:07:00] goals for a future? Yeah. Cause I plan to, like, I date to marry. And so, in that sense, like, I do have standards of, you need to have certain life goals that align similarly.

Ryli: I feel like, like, since I've, like, like, come to college, I feel like my standards have gone higher. Because, like, now, I've, like, experienced, like, being with, like, guys and stuff like that, and, like, they can be lazy, and, like, do the bare minimum, and not even that, so, yeah, I need you to open the door for me, I need you to get me flowers, so.

Alli: Yep.

Brooklyn: So, honestly, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years, and I grew up in a household where, like, my parents were together, they have a happy marriage. But my boyfriend has even raised my standards of what to expect. 

Ryli (relief): That’s great.

Brooklyn: Because honestly, he is a really good guy. And there's stuff that he does that I'm like, I don't think I could date somebody that doesn't do this, now that [00:08:00] I've been there.

Like, there's things like, he knows when I'm having a bad day, without me having to tell him I'm having a bad day. 

Multiple: Yeah, yeah.

Ryli: See, like, that's like what I expect. Like, you need to read my mind. (laughter)

Alli: I think that comes with time, though. (Agreement) Like, you can't just expect that right off the bat. You have to get to know each other.

Brooklyn: Yeah, like, I agree with that. But there's like certain things… I don't know. 

Alli: I think one thing that, 

Brooklyn: Sorry, um, one thing that's so silly, but like, I noticed one of my exes used to like, put his arm over, like whenever we had like a yellow light, and he'd like slam on his brakes. So now I notice, like if I go on a date and someone doesn't do it, I'm like, like, “you're not gonna put your arm out?”

Brooklyn: Yeah, like an extra seatbelt type of thing. Which is so weird, but it's one of those little things like oh like that extra protection. Yeah, 

Ryli: Sometimes it is the little things.

Brooklyn: Yeah, little things little things like that. And like even when we first started dating, like, there's that saying like if he wanted to he would…

Ryli: Literally! [00:09:00] 

Brooklyn: My boyfriend, he was spending Christmas with his family the first year like we had started dating. We'd only been dating a couple months, and he drove two hours to come surprise me on Christmas night. 

Ryli: Aww. 

Brooklyn: And it was so sweet. 

Ryli: Wait, I have a question. So, going back to like the partying. So, do you go to like frat parties?Like, since like your boy like you have a boyfriend? 

Brooklyn: Yeah, I do. And honestly, that's another thing is a lot of people would assume like, even my parents don't get it because they're like, “How is he not jealous? How is he not like upset about that?” But he truly is just like… 

Ryli: Trust’s you. 

Brooklyn: It’s “I trust you.” And also, like, if you want to do that, then that's, like, you don't need to be doing that, obviously, but I'm not going to hold you back.

Like, you need to do what you want to do.

Ryli: Yeah, I mean, like, you're gonna want to do that. It's… you're a freshman in college, like. 

Brooklyn: I also think that you could tie it into the fact of, like, you could be the DD at times, or you're there as, like, a protection for your friends who don't have boyfriends and things like that.

Multiple: Yeah, yeah!

Brooklyn: So I think there are so many [00:10:00] different sides of it, but… 

Brooklyn: And Greek life is about making connections, too. And so, I can't just stay home and not go out because then I don't make connections and meet people. 

Ryli: No, literally.                                                                                                                            

Brooklyn: Yeah. 

Brooklyn: And not everybody you meet at parties is looking to hook up with you. 

Ryli: No. 

Brooklyn: And even if they are, if you tell them you have a boyfriend, they'll back off.

Ryli: Yeah. 

Brooklyn: So it's not that big a deal. And 

Ryli: And it's just like fun, like going with like a group of friends. (Agreement, “Yeah.”) And not all guys can like go. Like obviously like the frat parties that you go to, your boyfriend can't just like. 

Brooklyn: No, he can't go. But he does like trust me to go. 

Brooklyn: Yeah. 

Brooklyn: He trusts my friends to go. And every single time he's like, “okay, have fun. Be safe.” And that's his thing. And then if I call him, like, hours later, and I'm not in the best state of mind anymore, he'll still listen, or he'll come get me if I need him to, like, all of that. So, I don't know… 

Alli: That's nice. 

Brooklyn: Yeah, I think, 

Alli: People think going out is just, like, meet guys, or whatever, hook up, but it's really not.

Like, I go out to have fun with my friends. Like, we'll go to [00:11:00] Tumbleweed or whatever, and, like, dance with each other, and, like, it's, like, so much, it's just like a social. 

Brooklyn: Yeah, no, I fully agree 

Brooklyn: I go to Tumbleweed and I dance with other guys and my boyfriend's like, “Well, did you have fun?” He's like “Were they good or were they bad at dancing?” Like he just asked me that stuff like he does not care about… because he understands and like trusts me. Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 

Ryli: Yeah, so would you guys ever like go up to a guy and like give them your number? Or do you guys think that's like a guy's job? 

Brooklyn: Um, just being in college, I probably wouldn't give them my number straight away. Like, depending on the scene, depending on how, like, if I've met him before type of thing. But, I want to say I've gone up and given them my snap and be like, Hey, can I have your snap? Like, you're, “I think you're attractive.” Like, “I would like to get to know you.” Yeah. 

Alli: As a, like, I don't know, I just really think, like, as a female, like, I want to be pursued.

I don't want to go pursue you. Like, [00:12:00] 

Ryli: Yeah, 

Alli: I know, like, some people have different takes on that. But like for me, I wouldn't just go up to a guy and be like, here's my snap, or like I don't add guys on Snap. They can add me. 

Brooklyn: Yeah. I think that's the difference like people… some people want to go up to guys and do it and other people like want to be pursued, and either way is perfectly fine.

Alli: Yeah, and it's not even a confidence thing. It's just like I want a man who is confident enough to pursue me and like. Like, I don't know. 

Brooklyn: It's not that I'm not confident myself that I, like, can't, but like, I just don't want to. 

Brooklyn: I know I've definitely, I'm pretty sure I did it for a bet one night. Just like out of curiosity, if it would like happen. And it was like 10 bucks, like that sounds really bad. And nothing ever came out of it, but it was like one of our friends, like whatever. Someone that I knew, knew them, and they were like, oh I wonder if you can go get a snap. 

Ryli: No, I feel like my future husband like as soon as he lays eyes on me, he's gonna come and talk to me. So… (laughter)

So, yeah [00:13:00] That's right Okay, but I think that was a good chat. Good job gang. 

Brooklyn: Anything else? 

Brooklyn: I'm good. 

Ryli: Yeah, I think it's time to sign off. 

Brooklyn: Okay 

Ryli: Bye